So many cars are such jerks. They’re overly concerned with their rims, they make promises they can’t keep, and just when you you need a favor, they’re suddenly out of gas. But not these cars of the Midwest.
This summer, whether you’re off to your favorite lake or on the hunt for the best funnel cake in the county, check out these midwestern rides. Their bodies are sculpted by serious seasons, they don’t mind a long journey, and it’s always a smooth ride. They’re total gentlemen, but they still know how to jazz it up and have fun — don’t even think about calling them boring, that’s just not polite.
Elizabeth’s Saab 9-3 2011
With his broad Nordic features and excellent handling, this car is handsome and reliable. Want to make sure you’re taken seriously at the family reunion? Looking for someone who sends flowers to both his mom and yours? These leather seats are calling your name.
David’s Nissan Xterra 2008
He likes to be put to work. You know the type. So get a list together and take him around town. He’s more than happy to carry you and your keg of beer, or the four chairs you might need for your apartment, or all of the new friends you just made at the block party, to the beach or just down the street.
Felipe’s Chevy Corvette 2010
Okay, so this guy’s a little fancy, and we admit he could learn to wear a pair of jeans, but who doesn’t like to be impressed a little? Wherever you roll in this showstopper, you’ll have the pleasure of knowing that you can go 0-60 in under five seconds, even if you would never show off like that, not in front of people you know anyway.
Vince’s Mercedes-Benz SL-Class 2007
If you’re looking to be pampered, this is the car for you. Yes, he does have a bad habit of speaking about himself in the third person, but he’s got surprisingly soft hands, knows all the classiest joints in St. Louis, and carries a cigar in his breast pocket for special occasions — which happen every day for him.
Alper’s Chevrolet Camaro 2015
Check out the jawline on this handsome beast. He’d rather be growling through the streets, tossing a pigskin, or hunting in the woods than cooped up at home. But he’s got a gentle side too and very sensitive handling.
Shahid’s Nissan Altima 2015
You’ve always considered the boy next door, and now he’s conveniently available. You can take him anywhere and he’ll engage in non-awkward conversations with everyone from your nearly deaf great-aunt Louise to the hyperactive kid in front of the 7-11. Plus, he’s quick on the highway without guzzling gas, not like some cars you know.
Alok’s Alfa Romeo 4C 2016
I’m sorry, did you ask for an Italian Stallion? Oh good, because that’s exactly what you’re getting. This is the mean, lean, playboy of your dreams. He takes curves with ease and maintains high performance standards.
Steve’s Jaguar XK 2010
This car is all pomp and circumstance. Even though he was raised in Michigan, he still takes his tea promptly at four and has biscuits shipped from Fortnum & Mason. But lest you think him an English snob, he’d like you to know that he loves to tailgate Lions games and looks great in an apron.
Ashish’s Tesla Model X 2016
With eye-catching good looks and all that power, you might as well be driving Captain Kirk. Packed full of out-of-this-world gadgets, like 257 miles per charge, a roof fit for stargazing, gull-wing doors, and seating for seven, you can take your whole crew far beyond this galaxy, and then back home in time for dinner.
Kirk’s Honda Accord 1996
He’s upgraded all of his gear, but he’s just a nostalgic 90s dude. His email address is at AOL, he has a mushroom cut, and since he plays guitar in his friend’s band, he used to get invited to Prince’s little get-togethers. He still wants to know exactly what it sounds like when doves cry.