It’s not breaking news that the New England Patriots are pretty good at tossing around the old pigskin. They’ve been at the top of the NFL heap for at least the last decade (really it’s closer to two), and now, this Sunday, they head to the holiest of holies for the eighth time, already having four Ws tucked under the waistband of their patriotic padded pants.
While the lion’s share of the nation may tire of seeing these guys dominate year after year, these seasoned Super Bowlers are perennial hometown heroes to the entire northeast, and for good reason.
To channel your inner hero, check out our breakdown of the cars the Pats’ all-star lineups love to punch down the Mass Turnpike.
This baby-faced MVP has a rocket launcher for an arm, a supermodel for a wife, and a taste for extra-baller sports cars. Wheels.ca reports that the QB-about-town has been spotted in everything from a Rolls-Royce to a Bugatti to an Audi R8.
TRY THOMAS’ 2009 AUDI R8
TRY ANDRE’S 2011 AUDI R8
Oh, Gronk. This charismatic party boy is known for many things, including his storied (yet completely ludicrous) party boat and pranking New Englanders by posing as a Lyft driver, but he’s also just a regular dude who goes car shopping with his dad, as documented by the local car dealer who sold him his Mercedes-Benz S63 last summer.
Unfortunately, we don’t have any S63s in the marketplace atm. Have one you want to share? Rent it out on Turo.
Bulldozer running back Blount seems to be quite the car dude. He loves his sleek Chrysler 300, as well as his tricked-out Chevy, customized with a black and red interior, three TVs in the back seat, and bright red rims for days.
TRY EMILIO’S 2015 CHRYSLER 300
TRY EKATERINA’S 2016 CHRYSLER 300
This gem of a wide receiver took a [fake] summer job a couple years ago as a salesman at a local Toyota dealership, and Pats fans lost their minds with glee. Reminiscent of the goofy yet endearing Andy from “Parks and Rec”, Edelman went viral across the northeast, awkwardly peddling his fake auto knowledge to unsuspecting shoppers.
TRY ISRAEL’S 2008 TOYOTA TACOMA
Despite being one of the greatest NFL coaches in history, this stern and elusive man, the “grim coach in the hoodie” as the New York Times described him, has the same struggles as the rest of us. Namely, he can’t figure out how to change the time on the clock in his car, which, in this video, looks to be a Toyota Highlander. Hang in there, Bill. If nothing else just wait ‘til Daylight Savings Time ends and you’ll be back on the straight and narrow.