We admit that giving thanks isn’t always easy. But this year, as you’re staring into your least favorite cousin’s face and considering ruining a pie with it, just remember that you could have been an early settler facing a long, cold winter with no hope for beans, greens, potatoes, tomatoes, or even pies and cousins, really. So to get you thinking about what you DO have to be thankful for, we’ve gathered some of our most intrepid and pioneering vehicles to share their own small pieces of gratitude.
Eric’s Toyota Tacoma 2008
For this truck it’s pretty simple. He loves his dog, his glove compartment stuffed with napkins, and the leaf blower that his dad gave him last year for his birthday. Everyone says practical gifts don’t have pizazz, but he thinks of his dad almost every weekend in the fall — and it makes him so thankful to have a dad who cares about his ability to get in and out of the driveway with ease.
Rakesh’s BMW 633 CSI 1981
This car is so thankful to have her health. You know, sometimes she looks around and sees her peers faltering because they didn’t plan ahead. They didn’t want to get their oil changed, they thought they could just wait out the slow tire leak or that little chip in the windshield. She knows that you get to be a certain age and these things all add up. So she’s thankful to be running around town as she pleases.
Winston’s Dodge Challenger 2016
This Challenger is done with drama. That’s what he’s thankful for this year. He’s finally cut out everyone toxic in his life, so he can really just focus on his own goals and needs. He knows that his body and engine are first-rate — a real catch — and he just doesn’t have time for anyone who doesn’t recognize that. So if you want to talk trash on Snapchat, he doesn’t even care, he’ll be at the carwash living his life.
Lucy’s Mercedes-Benz 540K Replica 1930
For this gal, there’s no question about it: beach resort vacations. Give her a mai tai, a silky robe, and a sultry sea breeze. She’d like you to know that she still looks stunning in a tasteful one-piece — no cracked leather around here — and she wouldn’t mind getting set up in a cabana with an attractive young pool boy. Which is not to say she’s not thankful that her kids took her to the resort, but maybe she could get an upgrade?
Donald’s Chevrolet Corvette 2009
After a long night out on the town, this guy is always thankful for those wadded up bills that he finds jammed into his arm rest or dropped under the seat. And then voila! He can splurge on a little premium gasoline, a movie from the Redbox machine, a little detailing, whatever he needs to get back out there, chatting up the other cars at the Sonic again.
Kirsten’s Volkswagen Passat 2002
For the longest time she didn’t appreciate fart jokes. She doesn’t know why — well she does: they’re gross and crass and low-hanging fruit. But recently she went to her sister-in-law’s house for a family celebration and it was a little awkward at first because they don’t all speak the same language. So they were sitting there enduring a strange silence, when suddenly the dog farted. And that was it, they all busted up! It was universal. And she thought to herself, “You know, gas is really what brings us together as creatures who are alive,” and she’s very thankful to have finally been shown the gas light.
John’s Jeep Wrangler 2014
Yogurt is what he’s thankful for. It’s pretty much magic, if you think about it. You put a bacteria in a milk and it grows into a smooth, delicious treat that’s also, drumroll please, healthy. Need to improve your gut flora? Yogurt. Need to feed a picky kid? Yogurt. Need to put something in your cereal? Yogurt. Need to moisturize your skin? Yogurt. Need he continue? Yogurt.
Robert’s Mercedes-Benz M-Class 2015
Campfires. That deep smoky musk mixing with the sharp scent of pine and the clean smell of dirt. The warm, orange glow that radiates from a campfire reminds her of summer sunsets and romance novels with Fabio’s long golden hair trailing across the cover. It makes her consider all of the cosmic ways her fate and destiny have led her to her blessed life here in the mountains, communing with nature. She’s so thankful for her ability to be present. And for campfires.