posted on April 21, 2017
Let your doors do the talking
As all billionaires — but mostly Russ Hanneman from HBO’s Silicon Valley — know, true luxury is a car with doors that swing, fly, or rise to the occasion, or rather “doors that open like this, not like this.” Who has time to mess with anything less? Should you be anticipating a moment of glory in your near future, one that requires a set of doors not for the lemmings, don’t fret that you may or may not be an actual billionaire. These cars can escort you to any and all meetings where it’s important that your billionaire doors speak for you. Or, you know, just a casual drive around the neighborhood. We’re not above tasteful gloating.
Sean’s McLaren MP4-12C 2012
These dihedral doors are not for the timid. They’re light, aerodynamic, and know all of the secret signs of very promising investments. In the way of a grey-haired opera-goer after one too many drinks, they open up quite dramatically, and allow the billionaire to roll into every occasion with trumpeting fanfare.
Los Angeles, CA
Victor’s BMW i8 2015
These butterfly doors understand the concept of a salute. With the push of a button, they snap to attention, and they’re light enough that even the most delicate of billionaires won’t have to commit the sin of work to close them. Let it be known, as one would expect, that these doors always require at least 1.5 feet of space on either side, but who doesn’t always have that?
Washington DC
Brando’s BMW i8 2015
This electric dragon spreads its wings only for billionaires who smell of cold-hard cash. These doors are fierce in the way of an incredibly sharp suit, and are meant to intimidate the bejeezus out of the kinds of people who shudder reverently in the face of rich mahogany and stacks of gold bars.
Los Angeles, CA
Joseph’s Tesla Model X 2017
You think you’ve driven a car before, but, no, you haven’t. Not unless you’ve driven the 2017 Model X. For some gearheads, there may be a concern that the Tesla’s electric heart and two normie doors make it less virile than its other winged, gas-snorting brethren, but let’s be clear: Tesla gull-wing doors are only for discerning winners and billionaires! Period.
Takoma Park, MD
Adam’s Tesla Model X 2016
The overall look of the Model X is so low profile that depending on the scenario, you might even confuse it for a soccer mom SUV. Its gull-wing doors however, are fully, undeniably unsubtle. These guys are high key AF and clearly meant to impress, like topping your burger with gold leaf. Why? Because you can! So if you’re looking to come in cool, and then dazzle with a big, hot reveal, these doors are your answer.
Chicago, IL
Jeff’s Aston Martin V8 Vantage 2008
Swan doors are the most elegant of the billionaire doors, and come on every Aston. These ones are practical, unshowy, and meant to offer just a little ease and ground clearance. All of which might appear to the uninitiated as “totally not billionaire material”, but which actually demonstrate the maturity and wisdom of a long-time billionaire, and the oft-overlooked ability to indulge in just the right places.
San Mateo, CA
And don’t forget to enter our Aviato Vision Quest Weekend Contest, for a chance to win an authentic, 100% wool, Pied Piper letterman jacket, a free weekend in the Aviato, and an autographed poster signed by the cast of HBO’s Silicon Valley.
Hero photo courtesy of HBO
Kamala Puligandla
Kamala Puligandla is a writer, editor, and bon vivant in LA. She is the author of two books, Zigzags and You Can Vibe Me On My Femmephone, and is always on the look-out for strange stories, excellent eats, and relaxing locales.
